Do you ever wonder where your extreme fears come from?  Do you ever wonder why you fear something?

I do….

Part I:

The older I get the more I try to analyze myself.  I think it’s common nature to seek out such information.   The older we get the more we need to know.

Ever since I was a child I’ve believed in reincarnation.  I was born into a family were premonitions were as common as sliced bread.  The curious thing was the fact that my mother thought premonitions, when tapped into led to the gate way too hell.  She firmly believes her special gift was  not a divine gift from God, but rather a curse from a past life.  As if she had sold her soul to Lucifer a time or two before.  Could that be true?  At times I think so, though I disagree with the idea that premonitions are the devil’s handiwork.   Not everything in heaven is sweet, golden and marked by happiness and joy.  There are many level playing fields.  I think reincarnation embodies a more purposeful meaning for a host body.   I’ve never thought  reincarnation was born from the pits of hell.   I believe the origin of reincarnation lolls from the bowels of higher forces.  Lately, my certain unexplained fears have been peaking my interest.  Corresponding dreams and faint feelings of deja-vu intrigue my daily meandering.  Almost guaranteeing my perception that I’m reincarnated.   Yet, how do I know this for sure?  I don’t.  I know that I have unexplained fears, and phobias that grow ever more increasingly with time.

I  believe that certain people were born with old souls.   The clues are given to us by some physical traits and acute senses.   I have a dear friend named Traci.  For as long as I can remember Traci has had the dry wrinkled hands of a person much older than she.  When she was ten, Traci’s hands looked that of a eighty year old woman.    Traci’s childhood was marked by adult conversation and sickness.  Ever conscious of her weight, religious propinquity, and life injunctions, Traci has always appeared to be much older than what her age told.  Though I possess no physical traits like Traci, my acute senses tell me otherwise.  The life I live now is a life of tests and testaments.  I firmly believe that this life is a life frame filled with challenges beckoning me at every corner, to make me stronger for lives to come.  I’ve never question my life’s purpose.  But the nagging acute senses of my past life- puzzles me.  Traci’s life times, surpass my own by several.  Though I find that she’ll keep continuing on a path similar to the one she lives today.  Because she has a meek and mild side to her- that keeps her naive.

I’ve came across several people like that in my lifetime.  However, not as often I’d like.  I think there is a lot to discover when confronted with old souls.  Whether they know it or not as Key Masters, they hold the key to unlocking our own past lives.   I don’t think all humans are reincarnated.  Though I find it easy judge whether or not a person has live a lifetime before.  In researching this subject matter I found that Google has over 4.9 million hits when I searched for reincarnation.  For the first ten pages I found web sites focusing on religious connections and self help guidelines.  Well folks, this blog is neither of those.  I don’t believe that reincarnation is strictly saved for certain religious zealots.  Nor do I feel that truth seekers can unlock your past realm for you.  They may be able to help you sort out your findings, but, only you can tell what is real and what the past held.  I advise you to save your hard earn money and not waste your time on palm readers and psychics.   Even though I do believe there are a chosen few who could help you.  However, they are so few and far between, that in my opinion you’d even up wasting precious time seeking them out.

When it comes to reincarnation, I have several questions.  Inquiries that I’m sure someone reading this blog would like to share with the rest of the world.

Example:

1. How can a person determine how many life times they’ve had?
2. Can you can back as the opposite sex in one life to the next?
3. Are some animal species reincarnated humans?
4. Can animals be reincarnated into different animals?
5. Do we go from one lifetime to the next reincarnated lifetime?
6. What is the average waiting period between lifetimes?

Pretty basic questions that I’m sure someone could answer.

Here today I’d like to address reincarnation in subject to fears, and strange phobias.  I’ve had the same incredible fear that I’ve had since I was a young, young child.  The fear of sharks.  Not all sharks.  Only Great White sharks.   I found the most interesting web site; http://www.unusualphobias.com/sharks.html.   The web site is dedicated to the different fears established by certain animals and creatures.   The shark html will take you to a conversation between some individuals.   The original poster has an incredible fear of sharks.   She talks about how a National Geographic picture of a shark will make her leap over a desk,  in order to get away from the picture.  My fear is very similar to hers.   The older I get, the worse it gets.  It’s like I am peaking to the moment in my past life where I’ve had the horrific personal experience.  The fear has also begun to spread into other avenues.  For example- when I was a child I love the ocean.  I was fortunate to be raise in North and then in South Carolina for a time.  My father was a Marine and we lived real close to several beaches.   The first time I noticed the fear was when I was about 10 years old.  My grandparents had sent me to Florida to visit some family.  As I was flying into Miami’s International airport, I looked outside.  Underneath us was the vast Atlantic ocean.  I thought for sure I was  going to die.    Not so much for the other passengers, but, rather just me.  It wasn’t my first time flying, so I couldn’t blame the fear on that.   But still, what could’ve been?  I was clearly quite shook up over the matter.  I remember telling my Aunt Martha about my new found concern.  She blew it off.  But I knew there was so much more to it, so I logged it into my memory file.   You see  by the time I was ten or eleven, I considered myself a veteran of the airways.  So I knew it was something else bothering me.  It was the deep, deep blue ocean underneath me.  I remember thinking about what would happen if we crashed into the water.   I recall the thought of sharks surrounding us, tearing and biting at the surviving passengers, and then shivering in my seat.  I said to myself at that moment, “I hope I never fly over the ocean again!”

As I carried on with my life, I thought that I could put an end to my fears by studying the creatures.  But I could never watch a movie about them.  I could watch the occasional National Geographical television show about sharks, but, when it came to the Great White shark- forget about it.  When I was in my twenties and after my the birth of my son Zachary, I began to notice a more vivid pattern.  When I suffered from days where high levels of stress were involved, that night I’d dream I was being attacked by a shark.  The images came from underneath the water.  I could see that I either treading water or floating below the surface of the water at times for much needed rest.  The waters weren’t always blue, but rathers a mossy blue green color.   Then out of nowhere the shark would appear and I’d wake up.  A couple of times however, I did not wake up before I had pee’d my husband and I’s bed.

Over time I have acquired a long mental diary of events and occurrences from when my fear first struck me most.   As I stated earlier this fear has grown.  I am scared to fly over the ocean and I’m completely scared of the ocean period!  But have always had a curiosity as to why.   And the  unanswered as to how this could be has left a lasting impression onto me to explore this anomaly further.  In pursuit to the origins of my fear,   I have taken several trips across the deep to try to pin point a connection.  I have been on cruise ships, chartered deep sea vessels, and speed boats.  Whereas I felt no problem with several  adventures overall.  I have experienced a few moments that struck a cord with in my heart.   While being on my first cruise, I wanted nothing to do with partying on the “Yellow Bird” party boat, I feared for my life.  I wanted nothing to do with snorkeling or taking adventures out into the ocean.   I was scare  to step into that ocean.  The year after that trip, I had no problem sticking my feet into the Pacific ocean off Newport Beach, California.  But for some reason, that year before I couldn’t.  It had to do with the location of the water.

On my second cruise I wanted nothing to do with the ship’s swimming pool.  It was a salt water pool.   Looking like any ordinary pool, I took the liberty to freely dive into the waters.  Upon tasting the salty water, I quickly dove towards the concrete.  Never to step back in it.  I couldn’t  get myself to even sunbathe by it or stick my feet in for a refreshing feel.  Now imagine this- I’m on a cruise liner, in the gulf of Mexico and for some reason I’m terrorized by the ships swimming pool.   Which incidentally is filled with CLEAR, salt water and concrete barriers.  Go figure.

Another moment that struck me odd is when my best friend, Tisha Hibdon and I went to the V.P. Fair in St. Louis, MO.  At the time there was a gambling boat called the Admiral seating along side the shore where Mississippi and Missouri rivers collided.  When we went to the lower decks to gamble, I could not control the active motion to lean against the ship’s haul.  Tisha got the biggest kick out of this, because I was the only one who felt it necessary to lean sideways as if the ship was waked by high soaring seas.  Everyone else could stand straight, but, I needed to hold onto the steel caged walls.  Needless to say, I didn’t stay under there for long.  I have been deep water fishing several times in my life.  I been whale watching twice.  I have even been on a small speed boat racing across the  Gulf of Mexico, knowing full well that the ocean floor beneath us was miles, and miles down beneath us.  My fear was there at that moment, but, it was nothing compared to the fear I felt when I tasted that salt water on that cruise ship years before.

A while back I took a tour of a U.S. Naval Gunmen Ship.  There was an all to familiar feeling about it.  Why though?   I hadn’t been on that type of ship before.   I’ve never served for our glorious arm forces, so why would I have that familiar feeling?  So familiar was it,  it made me feel like I had.  But again, if I had- it hadn’t been on a gun boat.  No my boat was bigger and older too.  Again, I made note of the experience and filed it away in my memory bank.

Well in 2004 my second husband, Charles Knippel II died by suicide.  For the first 3 1/2 years or so after his death, my nightmares have been more family ordinated.  At times I’d have the occasional reflection nightmare that would seem familiar, but I never had my Great White shark dream.  I thought maybe I had mastered my fear and drove it off forever.   Well that’s what I thought, until about a year ago.  It was Shark Week, hosted by the popular cable network television show, Animal Planet. My son Zachary is wild about the show.  Since I had had no troubles lately with sharks, I decided to watch 1 show.  That night my nightmare came to me full force.  But this time it was different.  This time I couldn’t wake up.  No!  See, I had always been able to wake before the shark attack.   Which came sometime when at the moment I’m treading water in my dream.   It is at the moment I sense a shark.  And any other time I’ve been able to wake myself up.   This time, the Great White actually appear and nudged me first while I was treading water, in my dream.  It happened when I floated down in the water to take a look to see what was down there.   That’s when I saw the great white shark’s teeth.  His slightly opened mouth was right in front of me, and my first initial instinct was to punch him in it’s dark black cold eye.  That’s how close he was to my face.   My left hand was on the tip of his nose.  I knew that the force of my punch would be slowed by the water.  Though the commotion between him and I would help me some.  Somehow I know that the water is too dense to punch through it.  I knew I had to try.  Then the dream ends.

There have been times that I’ve laid in bed, closed my eyes and forced myself to think about sharks just to get it over with.  Like I somehow have control over it.  I force myself to imagine my placement in my dream and then I force myself to imagine a Great White shark  gobbling me up.  It has worked well.  Though my fear of the ocean is vastly greater than it ever has been before.  Today, I can’t imagine myself living close to the ocean.  I can’t imagine a trip to the ocean to see it, play in it or to view upon it from a long distance.  Flying over the ocean is not even an option for me to consider anymore.  But, I was willing to deal with that just as long as I had conquered my nightmare.  Well it appears that I haven’t.  About two months HBO was showing the original JAWS movie.

1975 Poster

I had never seen it.  I had always been too scared before.  But I figured since I was now 38,  living nowhere close to any large bodies of salt water, and I knew I could use my pre-nightmare routine- I’d be safe.

For the most part I was right…

In the movie JAWS- there is a scene where the sheriff and scientist go to a remote area on the water by boat.  They are going there to explore an unexplained boat wreck of a neighbor.   When the scientist jumps in to take a closer view underwater, he finds a large shark tooth leaning against the side shield of the submerged vessel.  It is at that very moment where I become acutely afraid.  It’s not because of the background music, or the dead man’s head that appears.  It is because of the water.  I recognize the color.  I’ve experienced something unthinkable there.  Right there in that very same salty, colored water.

Enjoy these videos below.

Here’s a Little Trivia for You!

Have You Heard About

the

Worst Naval Disaster

in

United States History

At 12:14 a.m. on July 30, 1945, the USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine in the Philippine Sea and sank in 12 minutes. Of 1,196 men on board, approximately 300 went down with the ship. The remainder, about 900 men, were left floating in shark-infested waters with no lifeboats and most with no food or water. The ship was never missed, and by the time the survivors were spotted by accident four days later only 316 men were still alive.

Clues To My Past Life

My Gathered Clues Thus Far

1.  I’m afraid of the ocean.

2.  The waters were a dark, muddy, bluish-green.

3.  I was below deck.

4.  I was treading water somewhere in a vast ocean or sea.

5.  I  had an overwhelming feeling, that I was not alone in the water.

6.  I had been on a  merchant marine vessel or large warship, somehow before my time.

7. The sea water had a very distinctive taste and smell.

Part II.  The Awakening

Well I had it happen to me again. ..

So I’m watching the history channel’s documentary about “Predator X”.   A giantic prehistoric creature that was recently found somewhere near the Arctic.  The skull of the predator was excavated in mid-2008 in Svalbard, by a Norwegian team lead by Dr. Jorn Hurum.   The History Channel’s television program featured  several scientists collaborating together, in order to figure out the “what-have- yous” of this gigantic thing that they found.   Apparently Predator X  lived here on earth, several million years ago.

The beginning of the program was all about the discovery.

• Where they found it,

• and, Who the scientist were and all that jazz.

Well as the program speeds further along,  the story line starts getting better because the scientist start piecing the creature together.   The more they pieced together, the more they showed other animal references as to size.  They also started to show us, through computer animation, what the creature possibility looked like.  It’s all speculative of course, but still I thought they were doing a fine job of depicting a realistic beast.   Moreover, once they pieced Predator X together, they showed us viewers a best case scenario depicting the creatures habitat, food chain, and how if moved and function.  It is pretty amazing what they can do with computer animation these days.   Furthermore, as soon as  they start showing the creatures food chain and motion capabilities, that’s when “it” all started.

“It”…

The producers of a show often rev things up right before a commercial.  That way viewers won’t be tempted to change the channel during commercial break.   So, right before they switch to commercial, pretty soon out of nowhere this ferrous, scary looking dinosaur takes off from the ocean floor and shoots straight up towards another big creature coasting around at the top of the surface.   It looked just like what a shark attack looks like.  This big creature, with its mouth slightly open, starts racing like a bullet towards its next meal.  Just like that it happen to me again.  My heart started racing and I was gripped by fear.  Now mind you I’m laying in my comfy, cozy bed, right smack dab in the middle of Missouri.  So it’s not like I might sitting in my beach house, looking out the window and watching the waves  crashing on the shore.  No.  It’s unexplainable to me.  Because somehow, all of a sudden I’m gripped by fear over this part of the show on the History channel.  It is getting to the point that I can’t watch a televison program anymore about ocean creatures.  That’s how stunned I was.  That’s how scared I was.  It was sheer, gut wrenching panic- I tell ya.  It was awful.  It’s  like I knew I had been in that same exact position, as the dinosaur who was about to be gobbled up, was now in.  And in that moment of fear, I was like- Oh God, not again.  I was petrified.  All I could see in my mind was those cold, dark black hollow eyes of my shark piercing right through me.  I had turn the program off.  I had to leave the comfort of my bedroom and go off to raid the refrigerator.  I’m an emotional eater, and that’s just how I handle things that are out of my control.  And this was totally out of comfort zones.   I just know it with all my heart, that I’ve been in a situation like that, somewhere, somehow before.  But it hasn’t been in this lifetime.  I’m beginning to wonder if there is someway to channel this energy.  To find out from where it comes from.  The things I feel can’t be make believe.  It is too real for make believe.  If it was all make believe then why does a certain smell set me off?  Like for instance today I let my cat Winston out for a bit.  Well we have a big mole problem in our backyard and he loves killing and eating the moles located back there.   Today was no different than any other day in the fact that he caught and ate another mole.  Big deal, right? Right.  However, when he ran into my lap after he got back home; I could distinctly smell the blood.  It was a smell, that reminded me of what my own smells like.  I don’t know how I would know that.  I had a severe head injury as a young child, but I don’t know.  There is a difference between blood, and the blood of a ravage animal.  The smells are completely different.   I don’t know how to describe it.  But I somehow know this.  Somehow I know that they’re times when blood smells differently.  This was one of those times.

I wonder if there is a way, for a person like myself, to channel this energy in order to find out where it comes from.  There are times that I think that these feelings I share, are a compiled up mixture of my childhood accidents that have somehow folded together to create this overwhelming, sensational deja’vu.  It could very well be this possibility.  For several years now, that has been my answer to myself.  But the older I get, the stronger the memories become and the feelings are growing more intensely with much more vibrato.  It is almost as if I’m coming to a stage that where in my past life or lives, something terrible has happen.   I don’t know really.  But this I do know; a couple of days last week I got the ere cold chills for no reason.  Happen to me twice on two different days, at about the same time of day.  I told my husband that someone had just walked over my grave.  Then the second day, I said to him after I got the chills again, that I definitely felt someone standing over me.  But you know, its like I said before- I wish there was someway I could channel this energy and follow it back for whence it came.